Monday, February 23, 2015


This is my phone's ringtone, at present.  Last night, I was using the restroom at the restaurant we ate birthday dinner at last night.

The fellow in the next stall said "That's Awesome!"

I choose to think he was talking about the ringtone.

Sunday, February 22, 2015


In years past, I've done a big Oscar post, mainly getting my thoughts onto paper about the previous year's efforts in movies.  This year?  I haven't seen much of what's been nominated.  Among the Best Picture nominees?  I've seen only Birdman and Grand Budapest Hotel, both of which I enjoyed immensely.  I'm inclined to root for the latter in the race, mostly because comedy doesn't get the respect it deserves.

Among the acting nominees?  Not much for me to comment.  Shyam and I saw Into the Woods, which was good, though it felt very much like Meryl Streep channeling Helena Bonham Carter for her part.

Beyond that?  Michael Keaton and Edward Norton were good in Birdman, but Emma Stone was amazing, in one of the best performances of her career.

And I can't recommend Big Hero Six enough, though it runs neck and neck for my favorite animated flick of 2014 with Lego Movie, which wasn't even nominated.

That's the extent of my 2014 movie commentary.  I hope you goofballs enjoy Oscar day.  I may not even watch the telecast....though the lure of Dead Movie Star Montage might be a little too strong to overcome....

Saturday, February 21, 2015


The Knoxville Ice Bears lost their tenth to the Peoria Rivermen last night up in Illinois.  Frustrating, because the Ice Bears have been particularly good this season.  The economic and logistical realities of bussing your team from, say, Lafayette, Louisiana to Fayetteville, North Carolina, doesn't always lead to a balanced schedule.

As such, Peoria (now in first by 8 points) has faced Knoxville (the second place team) some 12 times this season.  Even given the logistical realities, 12 times in a 56 game season is excessive.

Ideally, in a 56-game season, in an 8-team league, teams should play each other 8 times.

That's not grousing since the Ice Bears have lost 10 of those 12 contests against the Peoria, though it does seem worth noting that while the Rivermen seem to have the Ice Bears' number, Knoxville has lost 6 against the rest of the league.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Thoughts from the Ass End of the Night: Local Movie Theater Edition

Spot of insomnia tonight.  Woke up around 2:45 or so, and haven't really wandered back to sleep.  Just a few thoughts that have been knocking around in my head:

We've had a theater reopen in my neck of the woods.  You can find its website here.  It's only opened here in the past few days (I think Monday was the official first day, but I may be wrong there...)  It's been an interesting process watching the renovation of the old Plaza Twin theater.  It's now a 5-screen theater without allegiance to Carmike, Regal or any of the other big theater companies.  I'll wander in some time soon, probably when something catches my fancy.

I'm rooting for them on a couple of accounts.  The first being, it's nice to have a theater where I don't have to drive a half-hour to see a movie on a big screen.  That's the simple one.  Time being what it is, I don't often have three or four hours to devote to a movie...two hours for a movie, an hour or two for a commute (two, if we've run to Knoxville or Chattanooga).

The second aspect is that I like that the folks who run the theater seem to love movies.  At least, the lady who's been running the social media aspect of the theater from its inception (and they've had a Facebook presence for more than a year before it opened) is trying to run a theater and give a theater experience that she's been looking for herself (if I may paraphrase).  That's cool.

That said?  I stay off the social media pages for the theater.  At least, I don't participate in commenting, anymore.  Got shouted down on their Facebook page for saying, when the theater folks asked the question, if documentaries or arthouse fare was of any interest.  The resounding opinion of the folks on that page was Oh Hell No, with a couple of voices like mine saying "Sure."  I like my home town, and I'll defend it, but guys?  You all looked like a bunch of raving hillbillies in that moment.

Momentary aside:  it's a personal peeve of mine between the big movie houses how rare it is to get some of the indie shit into the theaters.  Cleveland, the closest city with theaters prior to this, has something like 18 movie screens, each with an average of 4.5 showings a day.  One particular weekend last summer, those 18 screens were split between 7 movies.  That's about 80-90 showings....of the same 7 movies.  I forget what I was wanting to see (I either went to Knoxville to Downtown West to catch it, or simply waited until it was available streaming or on DVD).  A lot of people were quick to blame the booking people from the major distributors, and probably rightfully so.  Still, Carmike has no interest in taking a risk, despite being in the best position to do so.  It's not about love of movies for the big companies.  My hope is that the local theater is more willing to think outside the box, instead of having 19 showings of Paul Blart.

Anyway, back to the raving hillbillies thing.  There was a Facebook fan night recently, and while I don't wander into the comments, it did hit my attention that there were complaints about that night.  Some were concerned that it was a school night, or a church night (Wednesday, in the buckle of the Bible Belt, y'all), and there were myriad other complaints.  Which lead to the Facebook account saying that it was important to be a "good customer."

Here's the thing.  I agree with that sentiment, 100%, though the business person in me wonders at the wisdom of publicly mentioning such a thought, let alone chastising your customer base when you've just opened.  Still, I'd like to take a minute to remind my neighbors that as much as we all want a theater in Athens? And as much as we've watched the growth and renovation of this business?  It's not our theater.  These folks invested their own money into renovating a structure that, frankly, I thought should have been condemned in its last days as The Plaza Twin.  They've put a shit-ton of money into running the beast.  As much as they've invited you in to watch the progress of the renovation, and the process of opening a brand new theater?  It's not your theater.  Even if you bought the Facebook t-shirt, and have been commenting on everything put on every social media platform.  It's not your theater.

I don't know.  It's early, and I'm grouchy.  But it really bugged me.  For the first time in the better part of a decade, we have a theater again in Athens.  You don't have to drive to Cleveland, or Knoxville, or Chattanooga.  You can hit a 7 PM show, and not expect to get home at 10:30 before you get up at 5 the next morning.  (Yeah, I'm that guy, by the way).  Stop complaining.

If you don't like how they're doing it?  Don't go.

If I go, and I don't care for the experience?  I'll eventually stop going.  But then, all I want when I go see a movie is a cleanish theater, a decent projection, and not to be distracted by the goofball in front of me texting the person they just saw 48 minutes ago.

I love movies.  I still love going to the theater.  But I'll be the first to tell you:  It ain't essential.  I've made it the past few years knowing that if I can't see it in the theater, all I have to do is wait a few months for it to pop up on Amazon or Netflix.  I can still do that.  If what the theater does doesn't suit me?  I won't patronize.

My fear is that the sense of entitlement that I'm seeing will burn the folks running the theater out.  That was my concern when they started their Facebook interactions.  Many will feel, right or wrong, that since they've been following so closely, that they're part of the family.  And they'll feel they're entitled.

Now, last couple of thoughts: with this post, I'm likely largely nodding at the lunatic fringe.  Because the only voices I'm seeing are the ones from left field, from the same group of folks, I might be making the mistake that they represent the largest view.  If politics in this country have taught me anything in the past twenty years, it's that the majority rarely yells the loudest, if only because they have the least amount of time to do so.

And?  Like I said.  I haven't visited the theater yet.  I want to.  I'm off this weekend, so maybe something will catch my eye.  Of what's playing now?  I might enjoy the Kingsman.  I've taken the wait until DVD or streaming approach with American Sniper, as much as I tend to appreciate Clint Eastwood's directing.  Nothing really jumps out at me, and Hot Tub Time Machine 2 isn't really my speed, either.  Who knows, though?  We'll find something to go watch....

One last thought.  Really want to see the renovations.  A couple weeks back, my cousin Michelle put up a Trulia page from my grandparents' old house in New Jersey.  It was neat wandering through the pictures, seeing what folks had done with that space.  Curious in the same way to see what somebody's done with the old theater.  Like I said, the last few times I wandered in, it looked like it should have been condemned (I think the last movie I saw there was Ocean's 13, though don't hold me to that).  Interested to see what somebody else has done with the building....if it'll even be recognizable.  Given that I was afraid the ceiling might cave in on me prior to its closing?  I almost hope not....

Monday, February 09, 2015

A note from the ether....

You know, maybe there's something to the Clark Kent/Superman thing.

Shyam and I wandered out last night to see Project Almanac, a fair to middling time travel flick that I have a bad feeling won't hold up to the scrutiny of a second viewing.  In a lot of regards, it reminded me of Chronicle, which featured a bunch of teens finding something unexpected and trying to change the world and then fighting amongst themselves.  Anyway.  I write to say this.

I think I ended up enjoying the previews more than the actual flick itself.  Jurassic World got a cackle out of me.  Shyam won't go see Chappie with me.  And we both were pleased with the trailer for Terminator: Genisys.

Though at that moment, neither of us recognized Emilia Clarke.  It's funny what a new dye job an appropriately colored eyebrows will do for a person.  That, and current era clothing.

She remembered overnight.  I didn't until I wandered into IMDB this morning.....

Friday, January 30, 2015

Friday nights.

The odd thing is, I'm good with dates.

I've been on vacation this week.  Used the time to get some writing done (70,000 words on one project? WooHoo!  Even if it's drivel, WooHoo!).  I'd asked Shyam if she'd be interested in heading to Huntsville to fart around there for an evening, and go see a hockey game in another SPHL city.  It just so happened that Knoxville would be visiting Huntsville.  It seemed like a natural.

Then?  I realized that our local area arts council was bringing a really cool band into town as part of their concert series.

And if I can give you a Big Stupid Tommy recommendation?  It is St. Paul and the Broken Bones.  Just a good show, all around.  And they were coming to Athens.  Tonight.

Well.  Me wanting to support the local arts scene, and keep more acts like St. Paul and the Broken Bones coming locally, I said we'd look at another night for Huntsville, and go to the concert.

And then I didn't buy tickets.

I assumed that the show would have tickets left.

I was a wrong-ass asshole.

Good on the Athens Area Council for the Arts.  Good for selling out.

Keep acts like this coming.

I didn't go because I wasn't on the ball.

I also didn't head out of town to watch hockey.

Oh well.

Live and learn.

I did watch Twilight Zone until a creepy one came on and weirded me out.

Minor League Hockey, and whatnot.

Big news from the AHL this morning.  It's an interesting move that's been rumored for a while on all the messageboards I'll wander through once a week or so.  It'll be interesting to see how it all shakes out, especially down in the Southern Professional Hockey League, the league I take interest in, as we wander up to eight or ten Knoxville Ice Bears games a year.

The SPHL finds itself with an opportunity to grow, as well, and I'd be surprised if they didn't pick up on the overtures to other similar level teams to look to expand a bit more.  In the opportunity to grow, they've found themselves having to evolve the way the league plays hockey.

A lot of teams in the league still rely on an enforcer-heavy, near-outlaw style hockey.  Lotta rough and tumble action, and the teams rely on that as a pillar of their sales pitch.  You don't get to see fighting in the other major sports like baseball or football, anymore.  And, though it pains me to say it, hockey is still not a natural for a lot of the folks paying to buy tickets in this neck of the woods.

This is not to say that there isn't a tremendous level of knowledgeable fans in every market the SPHL operates in.  There absolutely is, in every town, but you'd have a hard time convincing me that a lot of kids in Knoxville, Tennessee, or Tunica, Mississippi, or Columbus, Georgia, grew up playing and following ice hockey.  Some, maybe, but I'd say it's a long fifth behind soccer, baseball, basketball and football in those necks of the woods and others in the league.  The biggest part of your potential fanbase still needs to be sold on some of the extracurricular action, in the form of a fight or two.  Knoxville actually had it's Guaranteed Fight Night last Friday (a guarantee shoddily fulfilled, by the way...there were a couple of scrums behind the net that resulted in a roughing penalty on each side, but nobody got five for fighting...)

Back to the point.  The problem it finds itself with?  There are teams that play a faster, scoring oriented style of hockey, focusing on fundamentals and growing players.  Teams like Pensacola and Peoria lean on that heavily.  It's paid off for them in one respect--Pensacola is the defending league champion this year, and Peoria found itself near the top of the standings this and last year.  But that's not without perils, since higher level teams, mostly in the ECHL,  maintain rights to some players within the league, and sign others, if their needs so demand.  If you have a high performing player, there's a very good chance you won't keep them a whole season.  Pensacola, Peoria and Knoxville have all been hit hard by that this year.  Peoria and Knoxville have fought through--those two have traded first place a few times this year.  Pensacola, you might argue, has suffered, as the defending champs are in a three-way tie for fourth, they they only find themselves six points behind first place Knoxville.

And two of the teams that lean most heavily on that enforcer-style hockey, Fayetteville and Huntsville?  They inhabit the last two spots in the ranking.

I should mention something here.  Behind Fayetteville and Huntsville, Knoxville is perhaps the next most enforcer heavy team in the league.  Names like Corey Fulton, Brad Pawlowski and David Segal bring a lot of weight around the league.  They've added another name, lately.  Long time enforcer David Segal played his last game a couple of weeks ago (something I was sorry to miss, to be honest).  Knoxville traded for journeyman Dennis Sicard, which is a move I had trouble swallowing:  more on that in a second.  Segal still brought a lot of hockey talent to the ice, and his leadership was evident from the minute he stepped onto the floor.  Still, he was there mostly to protect the shooters.  He knew that, and it was a position he took strongly.  He stated that he likely wouldn't ask for a trade, as his family is rooted in Knoxville, now.  It wouldn't surprise me to see Segal put on the suit and act as a coach soon.

Sicard was a tough pill to swallow.  I've been watching Knoxville for six or seven seasons, now.  Knoxville is the eighth team in the league for Sicard (including three teams no longer playing in the league:  Richmond, Bloomington and Augusta).   I've rooted against Sicard for a while.  I feel like he instigates fights that don't need to be fought, that he gets penalized stupidly, and too much.  Still, it was interesting to watch him on our side of the ice, last week.  He's like a cannonball out there.  We'll see how he shakes out.

Another thought:  I'm not against fighting.  I'm not against the Enforcer.  I think the Enforcer still plays a valuable role.  Yeah, there should probably be less fighting in hockey.  But there shouldn't be no fighting in hockey.  It's a physical game, and sometimes, you need to be able to push back.  There should be a balance.  And at risk of sounding like a homer, Knoxville seems to have a decent balance...they're in first place, even with a roster a bit heavy with muscle....

Anyway.  I've rambled.

We tried to hit the game last night, but got a late start, and were made even later by a wreck that stopped us on the interstate in a place where we couldn't get off to head up the highway.   Since we wouldn't have gotten there until near the end of the first period, we opted instead for Indian food and a trip to the bookstore.  The Ice Bears won, to take first place.

One last addendum to my hockey post.  If you're a hockey fan, NHL or any other league, and you don't follow Dave Eminian on Twitter, you should.  Probably the most outspoken journalist covering an SPHL team (one of the few with a dedicated beat...I know Pensacola gets good coverage, but everybody else, even Knoxville, is somewhere between average and "Huh?  We got a hockey team?")  Eminian is a little bit of a homer for Peoria, but beyond that gives a lot of good commentary on the state of hockey in the some places, it is not good, and if the league is going to grow, those needs should be addressed.  Some teams do just stage games, with little outreach to fans, journalists--seemingly running their hockey club as a hobby, instead of any kind of labor of love.  He is also rightfully critical of SPHL officiating, which can be atrocious...I've seen SPHL officials look right at penalties, and ignore them, which makes you wonder if it's just ignorance of the rules, or some other vendetta being carried.  I've long said an SPHL official is going to get somebody seriously hurt.  Anyway.  Eminian's a good read just for the state of minor league hockey on our end, and I recommend his columns and his Twitter.....

Tuesday, January 27, 2015


I listen to books during my commute to work.  All told, I spend somewhere between an hour and fifteen minutes and an hour and a half in the car every day.  Thanks to the folks at, I've always got a book going when I'm in the car.  Without the service, I'd have come nowhere close to the 52 book goal I've set for myself the last couple of years.  (I still haven't reached that goal...reading or listening to something like 48 in 2013, and 51 in 2014).

The one I've just finished listening to is a reading of John Kennedy Toole's Confederacy of Dunces, a book I've long listed at the top of my ever-changing list of favorite books.  It's a mainstay of that list, and usually hovers in the top three or four, along with Huckleberry Finn, To Kill a Mockingbird and (occasionally) The Stand.

I've read it twice before.  Once as part of an American Humor class in college.  And again about 10 years ago, shortly after I moved back to East Tennessee.

Thoughts on this reading (or listening, as it were)?

  • The narrator was grade C.  This is a pitfall of listening to books.  Occasionally, you're stuck with a rough narrator.  I don't think Barrett Whitener did a bad job, necessarily.  I think he didn't have the tools to do Ignatius justice.  The accents didn't flow (they weren't bad, but they felt forced).  And his vision of Burma Jones and mine didn't see eye-to-eye at all.  
  • As an aside, a bad narrator can ruin a book: Will Patton, a favorite actor of mine, completely ruined a reading of Annie Proulx's stories for me, and I had to opt to eventually read Hilary Mantel's Wolf Hall, since that narrator just wasn't hitting the right notes.  That said, the converse is true.  I've decided I could listen to Scott Brick read the telephone book after his readings of Justin Cronin's Passage books, as well as a reading of Faulkner's Intruder in the Dust. Euan Morton completely saved Christopher Moore's Sacre Bleu for me by having a completely different (better) voice for Henri Toulouse-Lautrec than the one my internal narrator had.
  • I had a whole new picture in my head for Ignatius, in terms of mental casting, based on personal experience with a certain person.  I texted Shyam with the name of the person I'd cast in my head, noting that he didn't even do Ignatius justice, considering his lack of wherewithal to even pick up a Big Chief tablet.  Still, the "Blame the world, the cops and the Wheel of Fortuna" leaning made me think very much of this person.
  • Had a friend once who offered the theory that much of what goes on is hallucination for Ignatius, and the only truth in the novel is when Minkoff arrives, and Ignatius tells her he's been holed up in his room for weeks.  I still think it's another bullshit line he gives Minkoff, but an interesting thought, nonetheless.
  • Had forgotten how many masturbation references are in the book.
  • In the movie in my head?  I cast Paget Brewster as Lana Lee in my head, though I also enjoyed the thought of somebody of the proportions of the wrestler Chyna playing her.

  • Synchronicity being what it is (Wheel of Fortuna, Tommy?), I also read Patton Oswalt's memoir about being a movie fiend in Los Angeles in the late 90's.  One of he last sections features his listing of flicks that would exist in his heavenly moviehouse marathon he would hope exists for his dead friend.  Among these was the Hal Ashby filmed version of Confederacy of Dunces, starring Jon Belushi as Ignatius (whose Ignatius would nearly match Toole's version in pomposity and fervor, despite his never having read the book), Richard Pryor in an expanded Burma Jones part and Lily Tomlin as Ignatius' mother.  I've long held that Confederacy is a sacred cow for me, and nothing anybody could do would match the magical version I've got in my head.  Still, Oswalt made me wish that I did indeed live in a universe where that movie was filmed, and stood proud on the list of achievements for Belushi, Pryor and Tomlin....

Thursday, January 08, 2015

Tommy's Mindlessly Stupid Project, Volume 9

Well, that corridor from Thanksgiving to Christmas is a big old heaping bunch of bullshit.  Doing my damnedest to get my writing project back on track, and though I was able to spit out 800 words tonight, it felt mechanical, and my feeling afterward was that it was just no damn good.

I also lagged behind on this part of my project.

I'm still ridiculously behind where I am viewing (I'm nearly up to the H's), but I did spend a good bit of December re-watching Christmas Vacation, A Christmas Story, Elf and March of the Wooden Soldiers.

Anyway.  Just a few thoughts on flicks I own.

Cold Mountain    (2003, D: Anthony Minghella)

I think I own this owing to my love of the Charles Frazier book, which is up there among my favorites.  The movie itself is not bad.  It's actually pretty good.  But the book is poetry.  And while I initially hated Renee Zellweger's Ruby Thewes, it's actually the performance I enjoyed most this time around.

It made me miss Philip Seymour Hoffman, too.  I don't know why I like him so much as Veasey, but I do....

The Conspirator    (2010, D: Robert Redford)

I just like this flick.  I'm not going to tell you it's a great flick.  In fact, it's a bit of a galumphing mess.  I watched it originally because the husband of one of my workers is big into the re-enactment scene, and got to go be part of the filming.  I ended up liking the flick enough to pick it up in a $5 bin, he said, trying not to damn with faint praise....

Contact    (1997, D: Robert Zemeckis)

I love this movie.  Every time I watch it, I like it a little more.  It's a story of faith.  Religious fervor isn't limited to the religious.  Somehow, after seeing the flick a dozen times, I found myself laughing at the irony of Ellie's fate at the end, the lone recipient of a message from a higher power, with no scientific means of proving her statements.  Previously, I'd found it sad for Ellie.  Don't know why it hit me different this time....

Contagion    (2011, D: Steven Soderbergh)

Another movie that is something of a mess, yet it works on the frightening level I need it to.  This flick makes me want to rethink a career working with the public.  Makes me wonder, if and when such an event takes place, whether I'd be one of the first exposed to a virus.

Crazy Heart     (2009, D: Scott Cooper)

Beautiful flick.  One of Jeff Bridges's finest roles.  Maggie Gyllenhaal is great, but the real miracle of this flick is making it so that I don't pass out when I roll my eyes every time Colin Farrell speaks.  He is actually believable in this.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

What I read in 2014

Read a good bit in 2014.  My resolution a couple years back was to read (or listen) to an average of a book a week.  I think I finished around 48 in 2013.  Got to 51 in 2014.  A couple of factors played into this...around June I decided to re-read The Stand, while listening to A Dance with Dragons.  Each of those took me about a month.  Then, December became a clusterfuck during the freight train rumble from Thanksgiving to Christmas (I've been thumbing through both Kip Thorne's book about the Science of Interstellar and Cherie Priest's Fiddlehead all month).

Anyway, a month-by-month breakdown of what I read this year:


Outer Dark, by Cormac McCarthy (Dark and Beautiful.  Like a poem about a nightmare).
A Feast for Crows, by George R.R. Martin  (started in 2013, but finished in January)
The Alchemy of Stone, by Ekaterina Sedia
Guy Noir and the Straight Skinny, by Garrison Keillor
This is Where I Leave You, by Jonathan Tropper  (still need to see the flick...)


He Drank, and Saw the Spider, by Alex Bledsoe   (good one, from Alex....)
Alas, Babylon, by Pat Frank   (one of those I'd always meant to read....Twilight Zone-y)
Horns, by Joe Hill
Ted Williams: Biography of an American Hero, by Leigh Montville


Story of Civilization, part I:  Our Oriental Heritage, by Will Durant
Beyond Bartman, Curses & Goats: 105 reasons it's been 105 years, by Chris Neitzel
True Grit, by Charles Portis   (a re-read, but a great one)
Child of God, by Cormac McCarthy
Blackout, by Connie Willis


Crooked Little Vein, by Warren Ellis
I Never Met a Story I Didn't Like, by Todd Snider
Ganymede, by Cherie Priest
30 Tickets to Paradise, by Cody Kaufman
Sacre Blue, by Christopher Moore  (made me find a new appreciation for Moore)


Union 1812, by A.J. Languth
Trail of Tears, by John Ehle  (the one that got me into my family history research, this year)
Serpent of Venice, by Christopher Moore
Under the Bright Lights, by Daniel Woodrell


A Dance with Dragons, by George R.R. Martin
The Stand, by Stephen King


Flight, by Sherman Alexie
Sea of Poppies, by Amitav Ghosh
The Name of the Wind, by Patrick Rothfuss


Marvel Comics: the Untold Story, by Sean Howe
Mr. Mercedes, by Stephen King
The Man Who Killed Richard III, by Susan Fern  (And I may have Kingslayer in my blood)
The Smoke at Dawn, by Jeff Shaara


Jam, by Yahtzee Croshaw  (maybe the most pleasant surprise of 2014)
Dixieland Delight, by Clay Travis
Night Film, by Marisha Pessl
Maplecroft, by Cherie Priest
Nightwoods, by Charles Frazier
Sandman Slim, by Richard Kadrey


Flood, by Andrew Vachss
Supergods, by Grant Morrison
Fuzzy Nation, by John Scalzi
South of the Pumphouse, by Les Claypool


Moonwalking with Einstein, by Joshua Foer  (A great recommendation by Teresa)
The Wind in the Willows, by Kenneth Graham
Rot & Ruin, by Jonathan Maberry
A Load of Hooey, by Bob Odenkirk
Nos4a2, by Joe Hill   (a re-read, because I upset Shyam when I let her read it...)


Kiln People, by David Brin  (my buddy Steve recommended this one...was awesome!)
In the Woods, by Tana French
The Science of Interstellar, by Kip Thorne
Fiddlehead, by Cherie Priest

A quick note.

There were a couple aborted reads in I won't go back to, and another I will.

I tried, for the second time, Bill Bryson's At Home.  I've liked Bryson in the past, but this one just kept alternating between boring and snotty.  I don't think I'll try it again.

The other was David Mitchell's Bone Clocks, which just wasn't striking me right.  I think I might go read a couple others of his before I go back to this one.....

Friday, December 12, 2014

Things Better than Chicken Wings to Yell About

I got yelled at about chicken wings today.

It's a long story that I can't really write about because I've agreed not to as a condition of employment.  Meet me out behind the Dairy Queen next Tuesday night, and while we pick through the Dumpster Leavins, I'll tell you the tale in all its hilarious glory in person.

Anyway.  If you find yourself yelling about chicken wings (a food sold by damn near every restaurant in town, as well as every other grocery store, by the way), you really just need to realize that you're the asshole.  Chicken wings are a stupid thing to yell about.   I have taken the time to make short (and by no means exhaustive) list of things better to yell about than chicken wings:

  • War
  • Pestilence
  • Famine
  • Racism
  • Sexism
  • Agism
  • Deism
  • Atheism
  • Christmas
  • Christmas Music
  • Christmas Decorations
  • The complete lack of Kwanzaa decorations at my store.
  • The complete lack of WWE Royal Rumble memorabilia at my store.
  • Monkeys stealing your shit
  • Monkees stealing your shit (especially that fuckwit Peter Tork).
  • That thing where one nostril is clear, but the other congested
  • The fact that Jon Lester, if he averages 115 pitches a game, over 32 starts, if you break it down by pitches, will make what I make after 7 pitches next year.
  • Bears in the house.
  • Wolves in the house..
  • Pigs in the house.
  • Birds in the house
  • Bats in the house
  • Bugs in the house
  • When somebody doesn't replace the toilet paper in the rest room.
  • When the elastic on the boxers wears out, and they slink down inside your pants, held in place only by the pants crotch
  • People who don't use their turn signal
  • People who take forever to turn right off of a road
  • People who don't utilize the shoulder in such occasions.
  • The fact that Dwyane Wade spells his name that way
  • The fact that Guacamole Doritos will never come back.
  • Some people are pushing for the DH in the National League
  • Hats
  • Bats
  • Cats
  • Brats (the sobbing children, and whatnot)
  • Brats (the sausage)
  • The fact that I can't get Chicken Korma delivered to my house.
  • Couples who share facebook accounts
  • Husbands who post on their wife's Facebook account.
  • Bear in your house
  • Bear in your car
  • Bear in your shower
  • Bear under the sink
  • Bear in the commode
  • Toilet Snakes
  • Ebola
  • Legionnaires Disease
  • Epilepsy
  • Leprosy
  • Lepropepsi
  • The fact that King Kong Bundy isn't in the WWE Hall of Fame
  • The fact that Koko B. Ware is.
  • Kobe Bryant
  • Mike Tyson
  • Milton Bradley
  • Pete Rose
  • My damnable crush on the Wendy's girl
  • The mere suggestion that Seth Rogen should play me in a movie
  • the University of Alabama
  • Blueberry Frosted Mini Wheats (I was actually yelled at about these, too)
Yelled at.  

I'm not exaggerating.

Who yells at a stranger about cereal?  Or wings?
Who does that?

Monday, November 24, 2014

Thanksgiving week

Warming up the brain, warming up the fingers.  I have a funeral to write about in the project.

It's Thanksgiving week.  Busiest week of the year in ye olde grocery biz.  Surprised that I ended up with the Sunday before off, except that I'll be working Turkey Day itself.

Lot's of shit up on the Facespace and all that about people arguing whether stores should be open on Thanksgiving, and all that.

My short answer?  If it were mine to open and close, I would not open.  That said, I am not terribly up in arms about being the manager on duty that day.  The fact that my family will be eating our Thanksgiving dinner on another day does have something to do with that answer, however.

Can I answer a couple of quick responses to complaints about working holidays?

1.)  People are paid more for their holiday work.  (Mine aren't.  Nor am I.  That's a company decision.  I'm interested to hear if competitors are paying more for holidays, but I'm betting they're not).

2.)  People need those hours.  (Maybe, but those on my full time staff who aren't working the holiday are getting their full allotment of hours.  Funny how that works.   The part timers who work for me usually end up getting more hours, too.  Sometimes to cover for the folks who live far away, and are attending school in my town)

Only tangentially related:  reading a book called Kiln People, by David Brin.  Elisson gave me a copy at the last Hysterics at Eric's get together in October.  I'm about 20% through right now, but I will say there was a bit about people having to swear fealty to a company, and I had to stop reading to laugh, and then feel a little bad about my place in the fiefdom.

I dunno.  At the end of the day, I've accepted that my store will be open.  It's only a half day for us, so there's some small victory in that.  Is it a necessary day?  No.  Not really.  I honestly think that if everybody closed up, maybe the largest part of society would learn to get their shit together and buy by Wednesday, and those that can't would learn to do without.  But, we're open, so come on in an shop.

However, don't say: I'm sorry that you have to work on Thanksgiving.

Because it stings.  And because I don't think you are.  At least, that apology always rings hollow.  I'd rather not hear it.

I'm not going to call you an asshole, because we all forget stuff.  But, if you and everybody else who shopped on Thanksgiving could remember Cranberry Sauce or Brown and Serve rolls, my ass wouldn't have to be there.

Anyway.  I'm going in today at 2.  From 2 pm today, until 3 pm Thursday, a 73 hour span, I'll pull four shifts.  I'll put in somewhere between 40 and 45 hours during that time, not counting the hour or so I spend commuting each day.

The last thing I want to say is this:  Don't be a dick this week.  Everybody's having Thanksgiving.  Not just you.  Don't yell.  Don't get mad if the store is out of an odd item--last year I believe it was French's Fried Onions.  That odd it turkey bags, water chestnuts or French's Fried Onions won't fix the screwed up relationship you have with your family.  If Uncle Gus is mad because there aren't water chestnuts in the stuffing, then water chestnuts aren't the problem, Uncle Gus is.

Which sounds to me like you might need to disappear Uncle Gus.

Who the fuck likes water chestnuts?

It's like chewing on refrigerated testicles.

It's gross.

So.  Don't yell at grocery store workers, and get rid of Uncle Gus.  That Zero is a drain on the economy anyway.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Tommy's Mindlessly Stupid Project, Volume 8

Warming my fingers up again.  I'm roughly 30,000 words into my project.  I'm keeping a little better pace with my nanowrimo goals than I'd thought I would, but I'm still about 10,000 words off that pace.  November's just a little too difficult for it.  The workdays creep up to 12 hour days.  I tell myself it's just an excuse, but way has to be given for reality.  I do manage to write, even if it's just a couple hundred words.

Day off today.  I'd like to put 2000 on the page today.

Anyway.  Just a finger warm up

Close Encounters of the Third Kind    (1977, D: Steven Spielberg)

At the end of the day, when I think of Spielberg's well-put-together flicks, I keep wandering back to this one.  Beautifully shot.  Fantastic, but in a way that it doesn't depart from reality.  And I love that the antagonistic forces are antagonists not because they're "bad guys," but are simply coming at the alien problem from a different viewpoint.  In a movie perhaps more rooted in science than any of Spielberg's other flicks, I like very much that faith in your fellow man is just as much a theme as any in the flick.

Cloud Atlas     (2012, D: The Wachowskis & Tom Twyker)

I love this movie.  I know it's flawed to the point of distraction with the prosthetics.  At times, trying to decide which actor is portraying whom can be distracting.  Still.  I consider this a beautiful achievement, and a good adaptation of a great novel.  I don't cry at movies much, and this is one of the very few that made me tear up that didn't involve a dog dying.

Club Dread     (2004, D: Jay Chandrasekhar)

I think I mentioned it with Beerfest, that Super Troopers is a home run.  This one is a solid triple, as a follow up from Broken Lizard.  It makes me smile.  Bill Paxton and MC Gainey end up having the best lines of the flick, especially:  You just shat in the one apple pie that knows how to shit back.

Any movie that manages to use shat as a verb will be alright in my book.  Forever.

Cobb    (1994, D: Ron Shelton)

Tommy Lee Jones revels in the role of Ty Cobb.  And that's why I've kept the movie.  I don't know why hearing Tommy Lee Jones say "Napoleon Lajoie" so much, but I do.  On the whole, though, the flick's an uneven mess.  I really, really disliked the whole hallucination scene at the Hall of Fame banquet, and the scene in Las Vegas with Cobb paying the girl for her silence is supposed to make you feel uncomfortable, and maybe sad.  I couldn't help laughing, for some reason.  Maybe that's a point, too.  Is it assholish to say that there's too much of Tommy Lee Jones as Two-Face, a cartoon lacking all subtlety, just like Jones's performance as Cobb.

I admit that my own conflicted feelings about Cobb come into play here.  My tendency from pro wrestling to root for the heel made me enjoy reading about the man.  Further reading has soured that feeling toward him, though.  Cobb was a shitheel.  As much as this movie wants to point out a horrible upbringing as reason for that, I still can't get behind the man.  And i will admit toward Tommy Lee's performance....there just might not have been a lot of subtlety to Cobb, either....

Maybe I'll sit and watch

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Tommy's Mindlessly Stupid Project, volume 7

It worked as a finger warmup yesterday, though I'd probably not write another 1700 word post.

Christmas Vacation  (1989, D: Jeremiah S. Chechik)

Still works.  The strongest of the vacation flicks, to my mind.  Vacation is dark and hilarious, and European is not without its charms.  But of the first three?  This one's the best put together, with building in a nice madcap crescendo to a kablooey end.

I'll end up watching this one again, along with A Christmas Story, here over the next 5 1/2 weeks.  A couple years ago, I put A Christmas Story on repeat for about a month, and last year it was this one....

Clerks    (1994, D: Kevin Smith)

I'd mentioned that I'd be interested to see Kevin Smith revisit Chasing Amy, now that several years have passed, to see what his thoughts on that relationship were.  I'd been thinking about what I said about the movie, and I think Naive is probably the best descriptor, though it hit me that for how old we all were at the time (and Smith and I are in similar concentric circles of both age and bullshit), it worked.

I say all that to say this:  Clerks still works for me.  I need to remind myself to watch it every now and again.  I feel a little too much Dante in my character, here lately.  Hence, the writing.  Shit or get off the pot....

Clerks 2    (2006, D: Kevin Smith)

I'd kinda wandered the line on this flick, for a long time.  I liked it, but I couldn't decide whether it was because I was a minor Smith loyalist, or if there was something that holds up beyond that.  I'm not above admitting I'll like something somebody does, even if it's crap.

I watched this late in the summer (Christ...that's how fucking far behind I am with this bit).  Right as a buddy of mine was leaving our jobplace to move.  He's a friend, and it was good to have him there.

It didn't hit me until this viewing that this wasn't Dante's movie.  Yeah, Dante's got a couple big scenes, but at the end of the day, this is Randall's movie.  Don't know why I never really put that together until this movie, but Randall's working through some shit, and Jeff Anderson as Randall does a fine job putting that directionless man in your 30's feel up onto the big screen...

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Tommy's Mindlessly Stupid Project, Volume 6

Warming my fingers up.  Writing project is going well.  Got nearly 17000 words in, which might or might not be a lot, but it's longest I've written on one project in about four years.  Feeling good.  Managing to stay away from TV and social media (more success, I'll admit, with the former, than the latter).  I'm off a couple days in a row.  My last day off, I did 4100 words.  My goal for the next couple of days is 5500 words.  November's tough...Thanksgiving and whatnot.  Still, I want to continue to give this one an honest try.

Anyway, like I said, I'm just warming my fingers up.  Coffee and toast have been procured.  Just want to write a few words about my continuing project, which has me up to the F's now, with my writing somewhere around the C's....

Cabin Fever  (2002, D: Eli Roth)

I'm not as high on this one as I used to be.  I still like it, as a dark-as-hell comedy.  The "Pancakes" bit still mesmerizes me.  I don't know.  It's not that I don't have the stomach for gore and grossout, except that sometimes, I don't, I guess.  I don't get grossed out by it, except for the sheer quantity of it.  It's like that old Kael line about Rain Man being Dustin Hoffman humping one note on the piano.  That's a lot of the way I end up feeling about this movie.  It has a lot to offer, and it just didn't hold up for me this time.  It had been four or five years since I'd sat to watch.  It may end up being culled, the next time I make a run to Mckay's.

Caddyshack   (1980, D: Harold Ramis)

This has been one of the great turnaround movies for me.  I used to not see the appeal.  There were funny gags...the Baby Ruth in the swimming pool is still great.  But for whatever reason, it never hit the nail on the head for me.  Wandered across this one in a $3 bin at the drugstore one night, and took another chance.

It still doesn't completely get it right, but I like it.  Chevy Chase's performance still drives me nuts...I've never researched it, but the Chevy Chase/Bill Murray scene in Carl Spackler's domicile feels like nails on a chalkboard, and it makes me feel like that scene was written with somebody else in mind.  Aykroyd?  Belushi?  I can't say...I just know that Chase's scenes in with anybody but Ted Knight don't work for me.  Still--you're a tremendous slouch--those two are great together.  I can't say what the turnaround for me has been.  Maybe it's realizing that the characterizations for people in the comic setup are strong, and truer to life than I'd realized.  Maybe Ted Knight and Rodney Dangerfield are cartoons, but they're believable cartoons within the framework.  I'm not going to call Caddyshack the greatest comedy, or the greatest sports movie like others want to claim it.  I did enjoy it.

Captain America    (2011, D: Joe Johnston)

Another turnaround flick for me.  I didn't see this one in the theater--the Captain America character never did much for me.  I got it from Netflix when it came out, and watched it at home one night, probably after a particularly pissy day at work.  I'm thinking that, because I did not care for the movie.  Not a bit.

At the behest of a couple other folks who loved it, I watched again, cognizant of my own ability to poorly judge a movie given a bad frame of mind when I watched.

I was crazy wrong.  In the time since, of the round 1 Marvel movies, this ranks right up there with Iron Man, and I might even think a little better of it in the long run.

A small thing I've noted.  I hadn't seen Captain America on the big screen, prior to 2012, when they did a Marvel movie marathon leading up to The Avengers.  Captain America is a weird one, in that it plays better on the small screen, than the big screen.  I don't know why, but I have a theory around Rogers' personality, and Evans' understated performance....

Little things I love:  the CGI for pre-super-soldier Steve Rogers is great.  Hayley Atwell is absolutely fantastic as Agent Carter, and it pleases me to no end to know that ABC is doing an Agents of SHIELD/Agent Carter mini with her.  And Tommy Lee Jones is Tommy Lee Jones.  Which is fine by me.  I love Tommy Lee Jones.

Captain America: the Winter Soldier    (2014, D: Anthony & Joe Russo)

As much as I loathed the first Cap flick the first time I saw it (wrongly, may I add again), I loved this one.  Ended up going to see this one a couple times in the theater.  While the first flick was on the strength of the ensemble, I put this one more squarely on Evans.  The more I see this Cap character, the more I like his straight-forward, non conflicted view of himself.  There is a sadness there for being a man out of his time, but he refuses to be defined by that.  I especially like the notebook of things he's supposed to be catching up on.  I especially like when actual mental conflict does come into play for his character (Stark sowing the seeds of doubt for SHIELD in Avengers, when Cap realizes the Winter Soldier is Bucky...)  Evans plays those moments perfectly.

I hope that the folks will one day think a Black Widow movie would be strong enough to hold an audience.  Avengers is a fun, fun flick, and there's not much I have to gripe about, except I don't feel Whedon didn't get solid contact on the Black Widow character.  He got it mostly right, and maybe there's an idea there I'm wrong about.  Personally, of all the Phase 1 characters, I think hers is still the most mercenary.  I kept waiting, in this, one, for her to end up pulling an Ultimate Marvel move, and betraying Cap (like she did Iron Man, in the Ultimate comics line).

Cedar Rapids   (2011, D: Miguel Arteta)

I love this movie.  LOVE.  An oddly Altman feel, for atmosphere, if not dialogue.  I love the creation of a microcosm, in this insurance game get together.  I like the Big Fish, the Small Fish, the folks learning and playing their parts in this entirely created society.

This movie, by the way, makes me wish I had a window into Step Brothers/Cedar Rapids/Dr. Steve Brule John C. Reilly's Universe, that I could look into all the time.

There is a logic to silly.  I wish I could explain it better than using that phrase there.  There is a logic to silly, that a truly silly user can follow.  To the outsider, it looks like random jumps with no sense to them.  There is a flow, and a logic that can often be seen after the fact.  Some of the best silly is like a detective story, when you get to an end, and you suddenly realize where the curveballs were.  John C. Reilly is good at silly.

I really dig Ed Helms, Anne Heche, Isiah Whitlock, Jr, and John C. Reilly as a quartet.  I would like those four to make more movies together.

Chasing Amy   (1997, D: Kevin Smith)

I'm all about the Kevin Smith.  I know this is one of his most celebrated flicks.  It just doesn't hold up for me.  It'll survive any culls I make, just because I dig Kevin Smith's work.  It just doesn't work well for me.  On the performance level. On the writing level.  On the humor level.  On the level of truth.

Not that it's dishonest.

It's that it's inexperienced.  Naive?

I dunno.

I'd be willing to hear thoughts on this one.

I'd especially be interested to sit down and talk to Kevin Smith about his thoughts on it, 17 or 18 years later.

Chinatown    (1974, D: Roman Polanski)

I first saw this one sitting in an Intro to Motion Pictures class way back at MTSU.  I was mesmerized then, and still am.  Had to put this one on the Big TV to watch.  Great flick.  I don't have anything to add, except that when Noah Cross mispronounces Jake Gittes's name, I smile every time, since the very same professor who taught that class made a point of mispronouncing my last name ever class I took from him, not for the same reasons, mostly because he and I had a good chat about it after watching the flick....which makes me think I should get back in touch with Dr. Badger, and see what he's up to...)

A Christmas Story   (1983, D: Bob Clark)

Can we talk about Darren McGavin and Melinda Dillon for a second?  And how they perfectly play the cartoon versions of Ralphie's memory of his father and mother?  How I have no doubt that in a real world version, they would be roughly 2/3 to 3/4 as loud, as grandiose in some parts, but 25% louder in others?  How somehow, they are vaudeville versions of Ralphie's parents, without being too Vaudeville about it?  Again.  There's a subtlety to being silly.  Clark, at the very least gets it enough to move Dillon and McGavin in that direction, if they don't get it themselves.  However, I suspect that they do, on some level or another.